Forgiveness

It has been a rough few weeks and I've had to learn how to forgive myself for my limitations. Currently I've been pushing myself to look for ad agency work (freelance or full-time), look for a new apartment, consider looking for a new car AND figure out how long I'm staying in Denver.

Today I realized I need to let go and be where I am and simply be happy with it. I was beating myself up today for not accomplishing very much in the last 2 weeks.

Then I realized how ridiculous that idea really is: I'm still in physical and emotional recovery from the accident. I spend close to 12 hours of every day either going to, coming from or being at my contract job. Isn't that enough???

My physical recovery has become mentally and emotionally difficult. I do not have the energy to go out at night so I stay in (often by myself), on the weekends it's tough to go places so I stay in or stay close to home. I'm not enjoying the outdoors as I normally do and that has become a mental burden as well (why I am living in this glorious state if I'm not going to enjoy it? I had that thought today...as well as why I am living 800 miles away from my family if I'm not fully enjoying Colorado).

I'm not used to being limited by my body; I do what I want, when I want and on my own terms. If I decide to run a half-marathon in 2 hours, I do it. If I decide to climb a 5.9 route, I do it.

But not for the last 6 weeks. I simply get through the day and deal with the pain. That makes me miserable ... but I am improving and getting better. So I focus on where I am at versus where I have been instead of where I think I should be.

In essence, I'm being taught to be patient with myself and to take today for what it is: a day to be grateful for and so I am!