Thursday, February 5, 2009

Why I am a Writer...

So today I left work early because I needed some mental health time. I played a little but still didn't feel completely comforted so I'm here to write. Writing makes the world go away...it makes everything simplified, clear and coherent in my mind. There is no question it is simply part of my being.




So why don't I do it more?? I could argue that I write several times a week - which I do - but even that isn't enough. I must do it daily...for hours every day. It must become one of my main sources of income.




There are days like today when writing feels like a compulsion, it's a pulsating drive flowing through the veins of my arms and into my fingers out through my fingertips. It's as necessary as blood is to my body's survival. Writing is necessary to my mental, spiritual and emotional survival. Yet there are times I stymie it or I question it...clearly I do so unnecessarily. Or I do so because of some inner belief that maybe I'm not that good or it's really not a gift of mine.




Whatever the reason I do stop myself from writing. Perhaps because my words come from such a sacred space I am hesitant to share that with the world for fear of rejection...or even better, fear of joyous celebration.




What would that be like? To joyously celebrate me and my gift? How many of us have ever been joyously celebrated and acknowledged? Few.




But I will say this much: it must come from within. Before anyone else can fully embrace and enrapture me I must do that for me. And I am...slowly, slowly progressing on that end. I'm doing more projects for my copywriting coaching program for example. This week I am writing articles that will be given to one of the coach's clients. :) It makes me feel incredibly happy to do so!




So for that I am grateful. There is progression in my copywriting career.




This week I have struggled with being grateful for where I am - my "mind" has wanted to focus on where it thinks I should be. And naturally I have felt quite frustrated most of the week because where my mind says I "should be" is not where I am...but when has it ever been and when will it ever be?


My "mind" is attempting to trick me and keep me in my current situation. It won't work! I am stronger than that and so I grow out of my comfort zone and into a new one. :)




So as I write this I settle back into gratitude and thankfulness (is that even a word?!).




I am happy to have a lovely home, co-workers and bosses who appreciate me, clients who appreciate my work and a path I am traveling on (and enjoying the travel!). All in all things are good and well on their way to great. I embrace both the highs and the lows because it is all necessary - even my frustration is necessary and purposeful. Writing for me is both a blessing and a curse..as all things are. I choose to acknowledge the curse and keep a welcome focus on the blessing.

4 comments:

Kitty said...

You remind me of that quote I heard once by Hemingway: “There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed...”

Forgive me as I am new to your blog, but what do you write about?

Lara said...

So true so true Kitty!! I paraphrase that quote ALL the time. :)

On this blog I was writing about the process of becoming a copywriter but am no longer publishing anything here. In the last year and a half I have changed paths and am on the road to becoming a women's counselor.

I recently moved to Ireland to pursue graduate studies in this vein and I blog about it here: http://larainireland.blogspot.com/

Do you write Kitty?

Kitty said...

I'd like to think I do. I'm attempting to write a fantasy novel; my inspiration and drive to do so comes and goes all the time. I haven't worked on it in a bit, but recently I just started looking at it again. I tried to explain it on my blog and then I put an excerpt so maybe that'd explain it better...

Other than that I have little side projects that I might post but I just started this blog so... Perhaps I'll put it up eventually. Did you ever do like novels and stuff?

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